Tatiana. 19. Brazil.
I was so nervous I could barely breathe, the air inflated my lungs in a way almost mechanical, prevented from exiting properly by my mouth. My stomach ached so much I felt like I could vomit at any moment, my cold hands would not stop sweating. I was about to faint when you touched me. You touched me and I realized the moment your hands reached my face in a calm and affectionate way, that I was yours. You own me. Forever.
It all happened so quickly. When I could see myself I was noticing the small, almost imperceptible spot beneath your left eyelid, the curvature at the end of your mouth that made your expressions always bring a hint of mystery, the freckles present on your cheekbones that accompanied a certain childhood innocence, the sign on your right ear, the way your brown eyes reached a tinge almost honey reflected in the light of the sun that emanated from the bedroom window.
I was in paradise, for the first time in my life I could understand what the movies always translated for love. This feeling that takes over your entire body, this electricity passing through the limbs, bringing a rapture that is able to revive even the most dead of emotions. I have lived everything intensely, and dedicated to you all my life. I give you my soul, my sanity, my thoughts.
Until you killed me.
Until you take my paradise and turn it into a living hell.
Until you take my calm and turn it into a chaos to which until today I did not get freedom.
Until you get my romantic comedy and turn it into a horror movie.
And now I live in this gray area, with all that smoke emanating around me, suffocating me and stopping me from drawing the air. Daily watching and reliving this painting that once was so beautiful, that one day was responsible for bringing color to my world. Color that now it drains only for itself, turning the rest of my existence into a large black and white frame.
